John Berger Ways of Seeing (via spartanbitch)
This is super fucking relevant.
And why self portraits (selfies) are often such an act of self preservation and resistance.
selfies as politics, hell yeah.
#it’s okay to follow creepshots but when a celebrity’s nudes are leaked she’s a slut #it’s perfectly normal to watch objectifying porn but when a woman decides to film herself having sex she’s a whore #it’s alright for you to harass women on the street but when they approach you first it’s arrogance #it’s cool for you to fantasize about a woman who’s out of your league but when a woman you deem unattractive likes you you’re disgusted #no don’t worry you can make female bodies public property but when they discuss your masturbation habits you can be offended #society ^_^ i ^_^ hate ^_^ you
I’d like you to remember the last time you found it difficult to give an explicit “no” to somebody in a non-sexual context. Maybe they asked you to do them a favour, or to join them for a drink. Did you speak up and say, outright, “No?” Did you apologise for your “no?” Did you qualify it and say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t make it today?” If you gave an outright “no,” what privileged positions do you occupy in society, and how does your answer differ from the answers of people occupying more marginalised positions?
This form of refusal was analysed in 1999 by Kitzinger and Frith (K&F) in Just Say No? The Use of Conversation Analysis in Developing a Feminist Perspective on Sexual Refusal. Despite the seeming ambiguity in question/refusal acts like, “We were wondering if you wanted to come over Saturday for dinner,” “Well, uhh, it’d be great but we promised Carol already,” they are widely understood by the participants as straightforward refusals.
K&F conclude by saying that, “For men to claim [in a sexual context] that they do not ‘understand’ such refusals to be refusals (because, for example, they do not include the word ‘no’) is to lay claim to an astounding and implausible ignorance of normative conversational patterns.”
Like I’ve said before. There’s no excuse.
Also, reasons why it’s good to incorporate incidents of enthusiastic consent into your daily lives.
Get used to saying YES! when you want something, and NO! when you don’t.
Even over mundane things. Practice it so everyone around you knows (yes, I know it isn’t this easy, and I know why people don’t feel they can in every situation, but I really wish it was).
Enthusiastic consent is the sexiest thing. Ever.
It’s not that people around you “don’t know it” (if that’s what you mean?). It’s that if you say “no”, any kind of “no”, and they don’t want you to have said “no”, they’ll do what they want regardless and find a way to recast it as not a “no”, or not a “no no”, or whatever other bullshit. The section above describes how they do it with qualified refusals. They do it in other ways for other refusals. It’s not the refusal that’s the problem. It’s the person who either enjoys crossing refusals, or at best doesn’t give a shit.
popular culture is woven together with stories of women who said No when they meant Yes, or in some cases, eventually meant Yes, after a little creative coaxing. […] The unfortunate side effect of this poison is the implication that consent can exist between two people even when one says otherwise.When we structure romantic relationships so that one party is considered a prize of conquest, won only by someone strong enough to fight past objections and overcome enough Nos to reach the Holy Grail of Yes, how can we expect that this blurred view of consent won’t bleed into our sexual relationships, as well? If No means Maybe, I don’t know, I mean… at a bar, in a text, or on a date, when does it starting meaning No again?When we send the message that resistance is a form of flirtation—a strategic move in the game of love—we romanticize the imposition of one human being’s will on another. The building block of violence. By looking at love and sex as a game, a chase, a fight, we give violence our social permission, cultivate a rape cultureHard To Get and No Means No don’t—can’t—exist together. One lives in a world of conquest and the other of communication. And if you say No when you mean Yes or infer Yes from another person’s No, I’d say you’re not really communicating.
Yeah, absolutely! I’m just gonna post this publicly cause it’s something I’ve been meaning to write about/compile pretty much since I started a tumblr.
So I guess to start, I’ve been a huge fan of the Dresden Dolls since I was 13 and they were super influential in my gender formation and my formation as an artist and musician. That said, there have been some bread crumbs of problematic shit piling up over the years into a big loaf of badness that makes me super sad. I can’t remember everything, but these are some of the things I do remember.
1. First is her side project w/Jason Webley “Evelyn Evelyn” in which the two perform as a pretend pair of conjoined twins. The back story goes that Amanda and Jason “discovered” the twins and rescued them from a history of sexual abuse and circus exploitation by giving them a musical career. Here’s a couple really good articles on that:
Amanda “Ableist” Palmer? The Evelyn Evelyn controversy
Evelyn Evelyn: Ableism Ableism?
How Amanda Palmer Lost a Fan <— this one is mostly about Amanda (and her fans’) responses to critiques. She made some really awful non-pologies and then went on Australian TV to say some really fucked up stuff about feminists with disabilities. The video is at that link, but I warn you it’s really bad and makes me feel nauseous to watch.
2. Then there’s that time that she and Margaret Cho staged a fake onstage rape of Katy Perry while performing “I kissed a girl”
On Rape Culture, Amanda Palmer, and Disappointment
3. Then there was that time she made an offhand ~funny~ tweet about the KKK
WTF Amanda Palmer?
How Amanda Palmer Killed Amanda Palmer <—- this post is kind of a round up of her behavior as of late and includes her responses to people upset about the KKK tweet
4. And that time she recorded a song with the n-word in it(though I’m sure she would argue it was okay for her to use because of ~*~context u guize!~*~)
Guitar Hero Video
5. And that time she made a song called “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help your black ass” and other bizarre little bread crumbs of racism/appropriation throughout her work (like that other time when she wrote a song with the line “I’ll drive that cherokee straight off it’s trail of tears”).
6. Then there was that time she made a song that is supposed to be empowering for folks who love their bushes, but includes a passage where she compares women who choose to shave with 8-year-old boys
Map of Tasmania video
Anyway. There’s just been a lot of things. Probably as upsetting as seeing her do all of this fucked up and oppressive shit, has been seeing her completely fail to respond or to change in ways that are constructive. All of this public critique has really illuminated her as just another white hipster artist who can safely hide behind her cries of “it’s just music!” and “my fans know I’m not like that!”
Which is such a bummer because she’s been a magnificent artistic influence in my life and I’ve always downloaded every new track and gone to every show when she was in town but… I just don’t think I can do it anymore. She’s fucked up too big, too often, and with no remorse or change.
Amanda Palmer was also a huge influence in my life but heroes will fall. I just also wanted to add her cover of Rebecca Black’s Friday, the video titles says “From the point of view of a truck-stop hooker”, I’m not sure whether Amanda chose that or not but who fucking cares because it’s horrible either way.
GIANT TRIGGER WARNINGS!!!!! FOR JOKES ABOUT SEX WORKERS, SEXUAL VIOLENCE AND VIOLENCE.
Yeah, everyone always forgets her gross fucking whorephobia… whores don’t matter to social justice folk even when everything else does. :P
But awesome, here’s a master-list, for everyone who’s wondered. There was some discussion in my blog in the past that mentioned these things, but it’s awesome to have a big blog post with links included for reference.
Fuuck. I hate it when people I really used to love turn out to be totally fucking awful.
So Forrest and I ventured next door for a bit to watch some folks play the new Assassin’s Creed, right? It looks pretty cool; I’d like to play it someday.
Anyway, there’s a cutscene where these kids are playing hide and seek, and then when one kid (who appears to be Native American) is ‘it’ and has to find the others, these asshole white men come out and trip the kid. But the sound is off, and there’s no subtitles for what the white men are saying.
And, because we just can’t have any kind of breather from rape culture, one of the guys in the room goes, “No wait, what’s he saying?”, to which another replies, “Probably ‘I’m gonna rape you’ or something.” And snickers at his own comment.
I immediately walk out.
Cue Forrest following me back into his room and apologizing on the guy’s behalf while insisting that he’s really a good guy, he just says awful shit. Now, this sounds familiar, doesn’t it? I don’t see why he bothers trying to shield the reputations of asswipes who toss out these shitty one-liners like confetti bombs at festivals.
Let me state it like this: if you make rape jokes, you’re not a good guy. You’re a shithead. Even if you are otherwise a good person, your propensity toward making rape jokes auto-negates that status. And there is no place in my life for you. Anyone who does this is hereby invited to get the fuck out of my life and walk into a dull-but-functioning crotch-level chainsaw. I don’t have time to throw away on faking a smile for that shit.
Oh, and if you’re someone who, upon hearing someone make a rape joke, responds not by calling them on it but by trying to assure the people offended by it that the someone in question is a good person, you aren’t fixing the problem, and I am side-eyeing the HELL out of you.
“The Great Cover-up”
“The state Supreme Court Monday threw out the conviction of a city man found guilty of sexually assaulting a severely handicapped woman.
In a 4-3 decision, the high court ruled that despite evidence the 26-year-old woman cannot speak and has little body movement, there was no evidence she could not communicate her refusal to have sex with the defendant, Richard Fourtin Jr. As a result of the ruling, Fourtin goes free and cannot be tried for the case again.” READ THE FULL ARTICLE - “Supreme Court sets accused rapist free”
What the actual fuck!?
JFC. I can’t even….
(trigger warning: mentions of rape / assault)
I generally don’t link to material written by men, but this is a good post by a man I’d describe as pro-feminist. I recommend the whole post, and I’ve linked to it before in my work on consent (part 1, part 2), but this excerpt is a message to other men on how to stop rape:
I’m directing this to men who inhabit het-identified social spaces, and I’m not really limiting it more than that. Women are already doing what they can to prevent rape; brokering a peace with the fear is part of their lives that we can never fully understand. We’re the ones who are not doing our jobs.
Here’s what we need to do. We need to spot the rapists, and we need to shut down the social structures that give them a license to operate. They are in the population, among us. They have an average of six victims, women that they know, and therefore likely some women you know. They use force sometimes, but mostly they use intoxicants. They don’t accidentally end up in a room with a woman too drunk or high to consent or resist; they plan on getting there and that’s where they end up.
Listen. The women you know will tell you when the men they thought they could trust assaulted them; if and only if they know you won’t stonewall, deny, blame or judge. Let them tell you that they got drunk, and woke up with your buddy on top of them. Listen. Don’t defend that guy. That guy is more likely than not a recidivist. He has probably done it before. He will probably do it again.
Change the culture. To rape again and again, these men need silence. They need to know that the right combination of factors — alcohol and sex shame, mostly — will keep their victims quiet. Otherwise, they would be identified earlier and have a harder time finding victims. The women in your life need to be able to talk frankly about sexual assault. They need to be able to tell you, and they need to know that they can tell you, and not be stonewalled, denied, blamed or judged.
Listen. The men in your lives will tell you what they do. As long as the R word doesn’t get attached, rapists do self-report. The guy who says he sees a woman too drunk to know where she is as an opportunity is not joking. He’s telling you how he sees it. The guy who says, “bros before hos”, is asking you to make a pact.
The Pact. The social structure that allows the predators to hide in plain sight, to sit at the bar at the same table with everyone, take a target home, rape her, and stay in the same social circle because she can’t or won’t tell anyone, or because nobody does anything if she does. The pact to make excuses, to look for mitigation, to patch things over — to believe that what happens to our friends — what our friends do to our friends — is not (using Whoopi Goldberg’s pathetic apologetics) “rape-rape”.
Change the culture. We are not going to pull six or ten or twelve million men out of the U.S. population over any short period, so if we are going to put a dent in the prevalence of rape, we need to change the environment that the rapist operates in. Choose not to be part of a rape-supportive environment. Rape jokes are not jokes. Woman-hating jokes are not jokes. These guys are telling you what they think. When you laugh along to get their approval, you give them yours. You tell them that the social license to operate is in force; that you’ll go along with the pact to turn your eyes away from the evidence; to make excuses for them; to assume it’s a mistake, of the first time, or a confusing situation. You’re telling them that they’re at low risk.
1. Other absurd Republican contributions to the “rape doesn’t lead to babies” myth. As Anna North reported earlier this year, other Republicans paved the way for Akin’s recent statements. In 1995, Republican Henry Aldridge stated that when a woman is raped, “the juices don’t flow,” and in 1988 another Republican congressman stated that women emit “a certain secretion” that stops pregnancy when they are raped. (Which has led many of us to wonder, which is it, guys? Do these mythical juices flow, or do they stop flowing, when a woman is raped?)
2. The daddy of all these rape theories. The National Right to Life Committee’s John C. Willke’s claims in an article that the “trauma” of rape prevents pregnancy — i.e., he “basically just makes shit up,” writes Katie J. M. Baker at Jezebel.
3. GOP donor asks “Want contraception? Put an aspirin between your knees.” This line, now a total cultural punchline, came from Foster Friess, who was a big donor to Rick Santorum before moving on to support Romney. The video clip featuring Friess’ comments and Andrea Mitchell’s flummoxed response went viral this spring.
Friess: This contraceptive thing, my gosh it’s such inexpensive, back in my days we used Bayer aspirin for contraception, the gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.
Mitchell: Um, excuse me, I’m trying to catch my breath from that Mr. Friess, frankly…
4. GOP lawmakers seek to legally redefine rape as “forcible rape” so fewer women will qualify as victims. Remember the media firestorm around the “war on women”? One of its major fronts consisted of congressional shenanigans around the definition of rape in the noxious H.R. 3 “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion” bill. These efforts included Akin and VP candidate Paul Ryan and were aimed at siphoning off the number of abortion-funding exemptions so that only the rarest few qualified. What offended women most — and eventually scuttled the bill — was the idea that the government could weigh whether your rape “counted” or not.
According to the bill, there would be exemptions only for something called “forcible rape.” (Presumably, this is the same thing Willke called “assault rape” and Akin called “legitimate rape,” as opposed to what Willke called “consensual” “statutory” rape.) After a public outcry, Smith retreated from his first draft of the bill and reinstituted the Hyde language, though an additional provision was added later to clarify that the bill will “not allow the Federal Government to subsidize abortions in cases of statutory rape.” Akin and Republican vice presidential nominee Paul Ryan were co-sponsors of the bill, along with 225 others.
Since Sunday, the Romney camp has been trying furiously to distance itself from Akin, but these two names together as co-sponsors of this bill may come back to haunt Paul Ryan.
5. Another GOP lawmaker (surprise, surprise) worries that women will claim rape just to get abortions. This March, Iowa Senator Chuck Winder, who had already proposed that women go through two forced ultrasounds, including one at a right-wing “crisis pregnancy center,” went a step further by voicing his concern that women might use the “rape issue” to go abortion-crazy. Quoth Chuck: “Rape and incest was used as a reason to oppose this. I would hope that when a woman goes into a physician with a rape issue, that physician will indeed ask her about perhaps her marriage, was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by a rape.”
6. Pundits and lawmakers: Forced ultrasounds are okay because women already consented to be penetrated when they got pregnant. Remember the bill in Virginia that would have mandated certain kinds of invasive ultrasounds for women seeking abortions (the kind that already exist in other states?). Well, ultraconservative pundit Dana Loesch, who has already come to Todd Akin’s defense in this round, was hostile to the basic concept that every time a person’s body is penetrated, it’s mandatory to ask for consent. “They had no problem having similar to a transvaginal procedure when they engaged in the act that resulted in their pregnancy,” she said. Sadly, Loesch’s idea was not so far out of the norm: several Virginia lawmakers basically said the same thing.
7. When women sign up for the military to hang out with aggressive dudes, they are asking to be raped. Notoriously anti-woman Fox News talking-head Liz Trotta wondered of enlisted women who were assaulted, “What did they expect?” She also blasted feminist calls for infrastructure and support to help the increasing number of women in this position. And refused to apologize.
8. Santorum and Huckabee are all about rape victims taking one for team “Life.” Let’s not forget our Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee, respectively, think rape victims should “make the best” of it and see the unwanted child as a gift and sometimes cool people are conceived in rape.
[TW: For rape]
Such overblown rhetoric disguises the operation of a double standard in contemporary society. On the one hand, the consumption of alcohol is viewed as making women MORE responsible for their own rape: by choosing to get drunk, women are deliberately increasing their risk and should be prepared to face the consequences. On the other hand, male consumption of alcohol is viewed as making them LESS responsible for their actions; by choosing to get drunk, men increase the chance of inappropriate behaviour and should not therefore be required to pay the price for their actions.
Joanna Bourke- Rape: Sex Violence History (via girlofgallifrey)
This is something that I have been thinking about. YAY PEOPLE PUTTING WORDS.
oo1. boobs are really, really awesome. like seriously. they’re the most universally appealing body part, and no one’s going to fault you for liking them. i totally get that you’re turned on by them! but let’s get something straight. awesome boobs are not an invitation.
sometimes it’s hot out and i don’t feel like having extra clothing on just so you won’t check me out. or sometimes, maybe i am in the mood to show off! but even then, my boobs aren’t an automatic “yes.” no matter how slutty you think i look, no matter how turned on you might be, an awesome rack is not a substitute for consent.
oo2. like most people around the world, i enjoy having fun! and sometimes, that fun might involve drinking, or the use of other mind-altering substances. rules are a little different when you’re drunk. you can act sillier and tell stupid jokes and maybe even get away with dancing on the table!
but you know what you can’t get away with? not establishing consent! no matter how drunk you are, i am, or we all are, boundaries still exist. you still have to make sure that your potential bedmate is cool with bumping uglies, no matter if you’ve been together three years or known each other’s names for three minutes. and use whatever judgment you have left: if they’re too far under the influence to drive home, they’re probably too far under the influence to give true consent.
oo3. society seems to really have a thing about people who are on the larger side. there’s so much body shaming in today’s world, and a lot of it is just totally accepted. you may think that since i am fat, i’m desperate for any vague sign of affection, so i’ll be okay with you doing whatever you want to me. i really hate to disappoint, but if you think that i’m a loser who should feel lucky to be touched, you’re going to have a bad time.
no one is lucky to get raped. no one is lucky to face unwanted sexual advances. no one is lucky to be harassed. the rules don’t change when someone’s above a size twelve.
oo4. it’s pretty obvious that most people in the world enjoy sex, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. i for one am totally into sex! if i could have sex all day, i totally would. you know how there’s that stupid rumor that men think about sex every seven seconds? well it’s not stupid, because i totally think about sex that often.
however, that doesn’t mean that i’m down to fuck anyone any time. you may have heard that i’ll sleep with anyone. maybe i slept with your friend. hell, maybe we even slept together once! but no matter what, you’ve still got to get that “yes.” i enjoy sex with respectful partners who understand boundaries. i don’t enjoy being degraded, pressured, or having assumptions made about me. most people don’t, so why press your luck?
oo5. and speaking of assumptions… sexuality is hugely complex. you wouldn’t want your preferences to be generalized, so don’t do it to anyone else! i’ve slept with girls; that does not mean i will sleep with all girls. i’ve been tied up; that does not mean you can tie me up. i’ve had threesomes; that does not mean that i will have a threesome with you and your buddy.
oo6. you are not owed sex. there, i said it. no matter what you do for me, there is no situation i can think of where i owe you sex. if you take me out for dinner, or help me move in to a new apartment, or proofread my angry letter to urban outfitters, i’ll be really grateful! i might make bake you something, or buy you a twelve-pack of steel reserve. and if we’re already close, it might make me fall incredibly in love with you and we could end up fucking on the living room floor, don’t get me wrong!
i just won’t owe that to you. when you do something nice for someone, you’re doing it out of the goodness of your own heart. if you’re doing it expecting something in return, you’re not doing something nice. you’re trying to perform an underhanded deal. if you want to arrange for me to owe you sex, let me know outright, so i can know that you’re not a decent person at all, just a scummy scum scum who gets off on forcing people into uncomfortable situations.
oo7. and here’s the big one. you’ve probably heard “no means no” a million times, and we all like to think we’re the kind of person who, if our partner said no, we’d stop right away. but consent is more than not being told no. it’s being told yes. enthusiastically.
if your partner isn’t saying no, but also isn’t saying yes, take a step back and examine the situation. this boils down to being a moral human being. sure, if your partner doesn’t say no, it might be more difficult for you to get convicted of rape. but are you the kind of person that thinks it’s okay to take advantage of someone on a technicality? please don’t be.
it’s up to you to make sure that your partner feels comfortable, safe, and okay, and it’s up to you to take a step back if they don’t. be the responsible person, because the only person who can prevent rape is YOU.
holy shit, this is the bestest
This makes me happy.